and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
