Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I'm always down for nudity.
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