I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
