best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize