Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
