I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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