im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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