google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
