I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
