dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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