she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
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