happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize