trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
