dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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