Umm I'm too high to move.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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