Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
