He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
