Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Randomize
