he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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