8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
