Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I have already put on my inside pants.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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