i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
