Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
