Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
she smelled like a LAN party
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
