my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
