I want to stick my p in your. b.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
