just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
