she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
