I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
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