I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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