I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Two words: blizzard sex
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
