HIV tests are more positive than that guy
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Randomize
