K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
In the future we'll all be gay
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
