I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
