we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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