i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
