just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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