...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
