So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
this is an emotional support booty call
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
