he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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