Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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