i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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