His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
