She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
