That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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