i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
