Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
