He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
