It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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