I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
