We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
