when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
