She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
