There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
