I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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