My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
My dick has a subreddit
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
