He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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