I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
