My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
