Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
