Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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