Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
