Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I looked at my own cervix.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
