I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
