So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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