i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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