I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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