I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
