Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
