i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
