So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
