In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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