Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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